We meet this week to discuss things, and things within things, plans within plans. Secrets, shrouded in mystery and wrapped in an Enigma, coated with secret sauce! Yes, that's right, the Inter-society debate is coming soon, to a courtroom near you. Sadly, Judge Mills Lane was not picked from the hat.
The minutes for the second of March, 2006.
We had one first time guest and two returning guests. In Committee reports Ms. Bernhard suggested that we have the hall put on the national register of historic places. Our treasurer, Ms. McFarland apologized for her recent absence, and reported some recent expenses of the society.
We moved into New Business, and Ms. Bernhard then presented the historic sites resolution.
BIR, The Demosthenian Literary Society should attempt to get Demosthenian Hall placed on the National Register of Historic Places. RS, Kristin Bernhard
The question was immediately called and passed twenty-nine to one among members and four to zero among guests.
Ms. Wilkinson then told us that there are, in fact, many problems in the middle east. A few of them involve Iran, which is starting a nuclear weapons program. Ms. Wilkinson stated, rather matter of factly, hey, lets just bomb them. After all, Iran threatens our troops in the middle east, and while we could negotiate with and appease them, or attempt to use sanctions on them, or we could just bomb them.
BIR, The United States should bomb Iran's nuclear facilities. RS, Ashley A. Wilkinson.
Thankfully, no mini-debate began on the pronunciation of the word Nukelearhers.
Mr. Williamson said we ought to do nothing more than what we're doing now. We can't even be sure that Iran is developing nuclear weapons, given our intelligence services's reputation.
Mr. Moulds asked what exactly we should bomb them with. American forces and material are stretched too thin, and the net result would be the death of more American soldiers from retaliation.
Ms. Keyes-Bloomer supported the resolution since it didn't say when, exactly, we'd be bombing Iran-- surely they'll give us a provocation soon.
Mr. Miller reiterated that we lacked the resources and suggested that sanctions can work, citing the Cuban Missile Crisis as an example.
Mr. Hansen suggested we ought to encourage the Iranian nuclear program, as well as all nuclear programs world wide. In an ideal future world, everyone would have nuclear weapons and nobody would dream of starting a war.
Ms. McFarland argued that the Resolution is about Israel, but that we are confusing Israel with our national security. Plus, we lack the resources to bomb Iran or really to protect ourselves at this juncture.
Mr. P. Weiss said that Iran is not rational in the same way we are; they would sacrifice their major cities to attack us, and you can't threaten someone who doesn't care about your threats. Bombing Iran would surely start WWIII.
Mr. Richards also said that we don't have the resources, however, Iran can either agree to be bombed or not to be bombed. The American mission is to promote democracy; after all, America was created by war when we bombed Canada, and sanctions wont work anyhow.
Mr. Ballard went over the inherent danger of nuclear scenarios and reiterated that Iran is not rational. They already do things like fund terrorists. He asked why Iran needs nuclear reactors when they have so much oil, and suggested that they are promoting the insurgency in Iraq. Sanctions would be a failure, I assume because we want their precious, precious oil.
Mr. Pearl said that the resolution doesn't apply to cases of global terrorism. Terrorists aren't afraid to die, so we should be proactive. If we could stop Iran from funding terrorist groups, that would be the ideal method of dealing with them.
Mr. Misztal outlined a scenario where the president would send an ultimatum to Iran. Although this would inherently change the equation in Iraq, the current equation there isn't exactly in our favor, so we might as well try to change something now.
Mr. Dowell asked why we need to be so concerned about Iran developing nuclear weapons. Although Israel would not like this, it is less likely our safety would be compromised.
The question was called and failed eight to thirteen among members and failed one to three among guests.
Mr. Richards told us that he was good at failing, and that many people fail at many things, but above all, humans are born to fail. Thus he presented:
BIR, above all else, humans are born to fail, RS, Bill Richards, Esquire.
Mr. Williamson opposed the resolution but mostly agreed with the presenter. Whenever you fail, you should keep trying, and those who fail accept their failures.
At this point I became very depressed. The acting secretary sneaked into my minutes and wrote “You failed to be happy.”
Mr. D. Weiss rose to say that everyone fails at living eventually, so really we're all failures. Just not yet.
Mr. Moulds said that the affirmative was sans logic and that the resolution lacked a valid argument.
Then I apparently rose to challenge the notion that the resolution should use logic by using logic. Sometimes I shock even myself.
A quorum call was initiated, and therefore the society FAILED to maintain quorum.
Mr. P Weiss said that Socrates answered this question when he said that knowledge is the ultimate good, and knowledge is achieved through failure and correction. Someone who put a kitten in a microwave failed and was corrected.
A motion to call the question then failed, as it was destined to do.
Mr. Addison said the main reason he rose was to reiterate that logic should play a role, and suggested defining terms.
Mr. Dowell then disputed the resolution with the counter example of Croesus and Solon. He suggested that Lysistratus was the most successful person by Solon's account.
The question was called and failed nine to thirteen, thus, proving the resolution and actually making it a success. Or maybe the resolution was really a failure because by failing it actually succeeded, thus disproving itself. The mind boggles.
Ms. Crawford then presented a sexually suggestive monologue which she felt cheapened the act of sex. More specifically, she felt like it was time for
BIR, It is morally wrong to solicit sexual favors from your partner. RS, Emily Crawford.
Mr. P. Weiss then asked if she could be nosexlisted and said that the solicitation of favors helps get things done in a relationship. Ms. Davis said that it isn't immoral as long as it's equal, because then everyone wins. Mr. Pearl then discussed opportunity costs in terms of sexual favors. Ms. Koval asked who is to determine morals, if this was taken to heart, guys would never get laid. She became upset because none of the male members laughed, which upset us because it was true.
The question was called and failed one to nine among members.
Mr. Dowell then rose to say that post Mardi Gras, the devastation of New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina was still clear, and a new Hurricane Season rapidly approaches. Therefore, we must build a gigantic weather machine, plus possibly a super villian to build it. To that end,
BIR The U.S. Must build a weather machine to steer hurricanes away from the gulf coast to places we don't care about, namely Florida. RS, Stephen Dowell.
Ms. Barnett then rose to say that Florida is close to her hometown, and that no, she is not willing to risk hurricanes for a shot at coastline property. Someone suggested that we instead send them to Alabama, at which point Ms. Wilkinson had to restrain Ms. Meyers. Mr. Williamson said that FL is a tourist heart of the US, and plus they have great oranges, but if we could just take out Jacksonville, er I mean Gainesville, er, Havana? Well, whichever one of those places has the Uni of Florida, then that would rule.
The question was called and failed six to eight among members. Ms. Wilkinson abstained because they should go to Alabama. After announcing this Ms. Meyers forced Ms. Wilkinson to live hand to mouth, by which I mean she hit her.
Mr. P. Weiss then rose to announce we need T-shirts. Red ones, blue ones, black ones, pink ones, who knows! He presented
To be Resolved, ______ is the best design for a t-shirt, RS, Josh P. Weiss.
He suggested something Red with black lettering, perhaps drawn by Mr. Richards.
Ms. Koval didn't want us to have T-shirts but thought that Mr. Richards should draw something anyway.
Mr. Richards then rose to point out firstly, that T-shirts are obnoxious. He also doesn't want to draw stuff. Given that MC Hammer's pants pierced your soul, we ought to have hammer pants.
Ms. Davis said that t-shirts are bad economically, and that we ought to have key-chains instead. It was noted that this might be a bad idea since we also have keys, and key-chains holding the hall key that said Demosthenian on them might be a bad idea.
Ms. Bernhard pointed out that one of our alumni invented Capri pants, but then suggested that a drawing of the hall on the T-shirt would be best. T-shirts can also raise money, particularly from Alumni. A Hall T-shirt is best.
Mr. D. Weiss rose to tell us he used to sell T-shirts, and pointed out that it can be prohibitively expensive to buy one if they're being sold at a profit. Just making the screen or putting designs on both sides can make it excessively expensive. He did however offer to spearhead investigations into the best way to do new T-Shirts, since the last time we had them was for the bicentennial.
Mr. P. Williams said we look good in Black, so Black, with the left breast saying DLS, with a quote from the ANM: Be it resolved, Jack Bauer can kill anyone. Some people objected to this because they were worried the producers of 24 might sic Jack Bauer on us for copyright infringement, or worse, their lawyers.
Mr. Ballard said we ought to send the minutes of this to the PR committee, which I've done.
Mr. Misztal said that T-shirts are like speakers keys but not as crazy expensive; something you can take to remind yourself of your time at the society without spending over $250. He offered, to a certain degree, to offer his own money to finance a T-Shirt project.
I then rose and stole Ms. Pearl's idea, which i'll get to in a minute, and also suggested a design that says “Hey Demosthenes, is that a rock in your mouth?” Then in response to that it says, “Argghblargers!”
Ms. Pearl said she would like a T-Shirt that says “ask me about my secret society” with Demosthenian spelled phonetically, because, as Ms. Meyers wrote as acting secretary, “You illiterate Georgians have pronunciation problems.”
The matter was then referred to the PR committee.
The meeting was then adjourned, subject to Ms. Servidio's critics report. |
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