This week is elections. It is also suicide and depression awareness week. These two facts are not related, I assure you.
Last week, we had a returning guest and an alumnus, Mr. Broca.
In reports, Ms. Smith spoke of freaks, geeks, and cancer. We ran through nominations again. In old business we took a non-binding vote and voted 19 to seven for the old speaker’s keys over the new design.
Mr. Williams won the race to the floor in new business and pointed out that Public School systems can be used to instill values and teach public safety, namely fire arms safety.
BIR, Firearms safety should be a mandatory part of the curriculum in American public schools, and should give students the opportunity to shoot a gun under supervision.
Mr. Williamson said that changing the public school system is a bad idea; it’s the parents responsibility to teach children these sorts of things.
Mr. Moulds pointed out that we lack funding for such a program and the effectiveness would be suspect. Besides, we don’t all need or use guns. Some kids will simply turn into criminals anyway, you’ll just be making them better shots.
Mr. P. Weiss said that not everyone has good parenting. He learned about guns through an organization, but the system can’t handle it.
Mr. Theiss pointed out that it is our right to own a gun, and that we must educate children about such a right accordingly. Not all parents know proper firearms safety.
Mr. Dowell said we need to teach people about guns, but we don’t need to put guns in the hands of anyone. Not all firearms accidents are preventable anyhow.
Mr. Miller said BANG and educated us about something. He thought the school system couldn’t handle it, and also he said he can kill us with his bare hands. Good thing I’m packing.
Ms. Meek said our school system is already strained and that she only agrees with the education part; putting guns in the hands of teenagers is bad.
Mr. Misztal said that children/teenagers aren’t at the appropriate age for learning about guns. In other nations it makes more sense. However, women aren’t violent in the first place and a lot of them would probably feel more secure if they were packing.
Mr. Pearl tried out for the riflery team in Jr. Rotc but doesn’t support the mandatory feature of the resolution. Guns aren’t necessary to educate people about guns. IS sex necessary to teach about sex ed? I wonder if Ziggy learned about it in the school of hard knocks.
Mr. Morgan has three guns in his house that he hasn’t seen in three years, but he doesn’t see how hands on experience will help teach anything. Guns can be especially complex.
Ms. Servidio knew someone who died from a gun and disagrees with the resolution. Our country is a gun culture, which is strange. We shouldn’t encourage people to use or not use guns. Why not simply require education for people who wish to own guns?
The question was called and failed two to sixteen among members and naught to one among guests. It was noted by Mr. Dowell that if Charleston High taught gun safety, he would really like to take the class.
Mr. Chiego spoke of yearbooks. A woman wrote to him that “You are so arrogant, but you deserve it.” In grade school, everyone got trolphies for everything. Why is modesty good?
BIR: If you’ve got it, flaunt it.
Mr Dowell told a joke about an engineer physicist and mathematician at the guillotine. The mathematician flaunted it and died. However, he flaunted this joke for easily the second time in this upper chamber.
Mr. Weiss the second, whichever one that is, said that in a 7th grade English class, at lunchtime, he heard of Roman stories where characters with hubris often die. If you’re going to flaunt it, be prepared to die.
Mr. Pearl said that we should do what we do to the fullest, but you shouldn’t brag, or in internet lingo, “Shake ur e-peen”
Mr. Morgan said that if you suck at something you shouldn’t be rewarded for it. If you don’t got it, don’t try. People should focus on what they’re good at.
Mr. Misztal said that firemen don’t avoid fires out of modesty, and Mr. Chiego probably didn’t come here on a baseball scholarship. Stuff like that isn’t consequential. Separating kids into better and worse takes away motivation. Cowboy and military men need to hide skills. Flaunting shows lack of character.
Mr. Miller pointed out that if you walk into a bar and flaunt a gun, you might not have to use it. An A in high school versus passed high school means you hire the person with the A’s.
Mr. Theiss said schools do raise academics, athletes, and scholars. People who aren’t great at anything are still necessary; we need garbage men and cannon fodder. In Chicago, his cousin’s play games not scored. Also, he is better at anyone in the room at science.
Mr. Ballard said that Lindsey Jackavelis in skateboarding at the Olympics decided to flaunt and fell on her pass. Darwin’s concept is irrelevant to this resolution. You can strive for excellence and not brag; flaunting is a sign of insecurity.
Mr. Moulds supported the resolution. Everyone should strive for immortality to some extent. Police officers have to act like they know what they’re doing. Andrew Jackson built himself up and dueled with the best shots. Now he’s on the twenty.
Mr. Hansen said that excellence must end now. It is a false and lying concept. Humans are not excellent. Even among humans samples are limited. Newton had a couple of good ideas, as did Einstein. Shakespeare was okay too, although admittedly “Antony and Cleopatra” was perhaps on an intellectual level with “Snakes on a Plane.” Excellent people turn themselves into flag poles.
The question was called and failed six to thirteen among members and zero to one among guests.
It was noted that even if the affirmative failed, it tried hard.
Mr. Theiss rose to say that pregnancies adversely affect the economy, but mothers don’t spend enough time with their children, ergo,
BIR: It would benifit the American People to sell human breast milk. There are clear and obvious economic benefits here. Someone drew a picture in my book that said “Titty Queen”
Mr. Pearl noted that Vegans can’t have milk of any sort. Mr. Miller asked if we will have good versus say, Kroger quality breast milk. Ms. Johnson noted the possibility of free range breast milk and mentioned lactation camps. The Freudian connotations spun out of control. Mr. Richards was firmly in support, if we’d thought of this four years ago we wouldn’t have all these problems. We already de-humanize women.
Mr. P Weiss said that women shouldn’t go around parading their breasts. What if marketing breast milk flops? People wont like breast milk. But if this is going to happen, he wants to be the leader of the cause.
Ms. Prabakar was against it two years ago and BY GOD she was against it now. She began on some tangent about if semen had curative properties, but was interrupted too much to finish. Either way it’s probably a great way to burn calories.
Ms. Bernhard pointed out pictures in national geographic about “Triangular breast syndrome.” Which happens to who lactate all the time. For some reason, she felt this was degrading towards women.
Ms. Servidio was grossed out by the whole thing. Vegans don’t eat anything produced by animals, and plus human breast milk only lasts a couple days.
Mr. Misztal pointed out the number of times Mr. Theiss has been ejected for presenting this topic. Women in the workforce has had a great effect and they shouldn’t be encouraged to do other stuff.
Ms. Johnson said breast milk generation is gross. Women have to do weird things to their body to make it taste good.
Mr. Williams said it cold stimulate the economy and create jobs for millions of women. Bring back the milk man, sell it in a baby shaped bottle, and a new franchise, titty queen. Oh, that’s where that came from.
The resolution failed nine to ten.
Ms. Crawford presented:
BIR, that the DLS should award a Brickheap award to the ATF for their incompetence and stupidity surrounding the Tuesday april 11th incident during which they detained a “ninja”.
Be it further resolved that the secretary of the Demosthenian Literary Society should write a letter informing them of their honor. Respectfully Submitted, Emily Anne Crawford.
Mr. Williamson said the guy must have been a crummy ninja.
Ms. Barnett pointed out that the ATF people were not wearing uniforms.
Mr. Misztal was heavily invested in pirates versus ninjas.
Ms. Pearl reminded us why we call it the brickheap – perfect for people who love order and discipline.
Mr. Dowell said that the ATF is useless.
Mr. Ballard said law enforcement agents need to have dignity and respect.
Mr. Pearl pointed out that Athens is crazy.
Mr. Theiss said that college students have no money and that there’s no clear reason for students to shoot/rob anyone near campus.
Ms. Herschman said airport security is worse, detaining people randomly.
Mr. P. Weiss said that what happened was totally legal. Also he deserves many kisses.
The resolution passed twenty two to one and a guest passed it one to nothing as well. The amendment to submit the resolution to the red and black passed seventeen to six among members and one to nothing among guests.
Dear Mr. Truscott,
As the director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, I imagine you have a very limited amount of time to read salutations and congratulatory letters. However, it is my duty to inform you that the Demosthenian Literary Society has awarded your organization the Brickheap Award for stupidity and incompetence regarding your bureau’s apprehension and detainment of a “Ninja” at the campus of the University of Georgia on April 11th, 2006.
The student heroically apprehended by your organization had recently left a pirates and ninjas party sponsored by a local church organization. Upon being sighted near Snelling Dining Hall, perhaps one of our nation’s foremost problem spots for firearms trafficking and moonshine production, he was quickly surrounded and stopped at gunpoint with Uncle Sam’s loving knee placed upon his neck.
We are glad to hear that the domestic intelligence reports likely funneled to you by your superior, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, have brought your attention to the serious issue of music piracy on the University of Georgia campus. We are also elated that your organization had the foresight to realize that where there are pirates, there are most likely ninjas.
Sincerely, The Demosthenian Literary Society
We then adjourned subject to Mr. Chiego’s critics report delivered in a plus minus format. |
University of Georgia 