| Parents, whenever you turn on the TV now, do you notice. If
you have a young son and you want him to grow up to be a man,
then you need to keep him away from pop culture, public school
and a lot of Nancy Boy churches. If metrosexual pop culture,
feminized public schools and the effeminate branches of evangelicalism
lay their sissy hands on him, you can kiss his masculinity goodbye—because
they will morph him into a dandy.
This is not rocket science. But it is a science. It’s simple:
if you don’t want your son to be emasculated or macho-stupid,
be careful whom you allow him to walk with on his schlep. Monkey
see, monkey do.
Even I have role models in case I drift to the effete dark
side. There are eight in particular who help me keep my testosterone
in focus and my boys intact.
1. Larry the Cable Guy. He keeps me tethered to my beloved
redneck roots that are under constant attack down here in the
oh so sassy South Florida. Git-R-Done, Larry.
2. Dennis Miller. Miller keeps the wise guy alive and well
in me, which is a must if you want to mess with the feminists
and have the attitude necessary to navigate the Sargasso morass
the feminuts spew forth.
3. Ted Nugent. Ditto. The Nuge also brings to the table an
enviable love for hunting, guns and all that is wild and free.
His music, books, concerts and our conversations keep my primitive
man in fine shape.
4. Os Guinness. He takes the dumb out of Christendom.
5. My dad. He loved one woman, raised eight kids and put them
through college, and at age 79 is sharp, strong and one helluva
big game fisherman. Tight lines and screaming reels, Dad.
The lesson is clear: if you want your boy to step away from
the pusillanimous pomo pack, then you might want to get Junior
outdoors, beyond the pavement, and let the created order carve
its mark into your son. I don't have boys, but I make certain
that my two alpha teen-aged females, along with my wife and
I, get a regular dose of the irregular wild. Our lives consist
of large quantities of surfing in shark infested waters, biking
in the backwoods, workouts on the beach, hunting in the sweltering
swamps of the everglades for wild boar, fishing the brimming
waters of South Florida and treks into the African bush. The
spiritual and ethical moorings that nature affords us cannot
be found in the tame and lame wastelands of civilization.
The meeting of Thursday, the 22nd of February 2007 was called
to order, with three returning guests present. Mr. Williams
was appointed critic.
In Committee Reports, we heard that the first Demosthenian
Classic tournament meeting was to be this Thursday, that t-shirt
designs are still being solicited, that there was to be a barbecue
sale this Wednesday, there will be a religion debate, Beyond
The Lectern still needs writers, new members with hall keys
need to pay up, and that there's a contact list.
In New Business,
Mr. Brettschneider presented
BIR: The US should expand its overseas
military presence until no place is more than 500 miles from
US troops.
Respectfully submitted, Daniel Brettschneider.
Mr. Addison pointed out that the military is not simply a
purveyor of force, that it conducts valuable research in certain
areas of the world, and that the resolution goes against years
of military reduction.
Mr. Vaudo said that expanded military presence would enable
necessary infrastructural work to be done in underdeveloped
areas.
Mr. Miller asked where the millions of troops necessary for
the resolution would come from.
The question was called, and failed 4 to 16 among members
and 0 to 3 among guests. It was noted that Mr. Dowell is 500
miles away from everything right now.
Mr. Williams then rose to recall the recent film “Idiocracy,”
presenting
BIR: Intelligence is no longer an evolutionary
advantage.
Respectfully submitted, Patrick Williams.
Mr. Beusse argued that intelligence is an evolutionary advantage.
Mr. Brettschneider claimed that it never was, since brain
size and intelligence do not correlate.
Mr. Dowell said smaller adaptations, such as opposable thumbs,
were a greater advantage. He did a spider dance.
I said that the resolution's definition of intelligence is
too limited. Douchebags who can get into the pants of any sorostitute
they wish clearly know something we don't.
The question was called, and failed 4 to 9 among members and
0 to 2 among guests.
Ms. Herschman then rose to tell a story about a guy who saved
a kid from a train, asking why the heroic act wasn't put on
the front page of the New York Times, and presented
BIR: The media is entirely responsible
for the growing perception that the country is a dangerous place.
Respectfully submitted, Gillian Herschman.
Mr. Weiss the Lesser pointed out that media outlets report
conflict. Stuff that's not supposed to happen makes better news.
Mr. Dowell said that everyone is to blame for allowing such
sensationalistic coverage.
Mr. Miller asked who really cared if the resolution was true,
after all, danger is fun.
I argued that while the media makes for an easy target, the
problem is overall societal disengagement, which takes away
a sense of community.
Mr. Vaudo said that substantive things still get covered,
regardless of the presence of tabloid journalism.
Mr. Sharp argued that when good things happen, it's generally
not as believable as when bad things happen.
Mr. Pearl said that indifference is more predominant than
active fear of one another.
Mr. Weiss the Greater took the floor, but was quickly “nexted.”
Ms. Barnett opined that no institution can be entirely responsible
for a societal perception.
Mr. Ballard, sounding suspiciously like a professor of the
humanities, proposed a “new paradigm” for objective, truth-seeking
media.
Ms. Keyes-Blumer argued that the country really is a dangerous
place, and that what people want is what will be broadcast.
The question was called, and failed 4 to 17 among members
and 0 to 2 among guests.
Mr. O'Brien then presented
BIR: The United States should replace
“In God We Trust” will “Bigger, Faster and More Destructive.”
Be it further resolved: the United
States should replace the bald eagle with the automatic grenade
launcher.
Respectfully submitted, Kevin O'Brien.
The question was called, and passed unanimously among members
and 1 to 0 among guests.
Mr. Addison then reminded the chamber of clauses in the constitutions
of certain states that make believing in the Christian god a
prerequisite for certain civic functions, like testifying before
a court, and rose to present
BIR: Several states should be commended
for their commitment to the ideals of the founding fathers.
Respectfully submitted, Matt Addison.
Ms. Keyes-Blumer said that the resolution works fine if you're
Judeo-Christian, but otherwise reinforces obsolete prejudices.
Mr. Frisch said that the clauses should be eliminated because
constitutions are binding, requiring action to uphold such intolerance.
Mr. Weiss the Greater said that state constitutions should
be tested.
Mr. Brettschneider took the floor and was ejected for wearing
jean shorts. It was noted that the Society condemns jean shorts.
Mr. Darsie put it this way: “Fuck the founding fathers.” They
were fallible, after all, and we should be able to govern ourselves
without referring to them constantly.
Mr. Ballard supported the resolution, since it would allow
state legislatures to debate more important things like healthcare.
I stopped taking notes after this point, the smell of red herring
was so overpowering.
Mr. Dolan either used a straw man, or claimed the presenter
used one. Sorry Mr. Dolan, all I have written down is “straw
man.”
Mr. O'Donnell agreed with Mr. Ballard, sampling some of his
crimson-tinted icthyoid for his own speech.
The question was called, and failed 2 to 14 among members
and 0 to 2 among guests. It was noted that Mr. Addison voted
against his own resolution, keeping with tradition.
Mr. Vaudo then presented
BIR: Humans should be barcoded.
Respectfully submitted, Zak Vaudo.
The question was called, and failed 3 to 7 among members and
0 to 1 among a guest. It was noted that George Orwell would
be happy with our vote.
Mr. Weiss the Greater rose to present
BIR: Two test times from a professor for
when a student has more than two tests in a given week.
Respectfully submitted, Josh P. Weiss.
Mr. Dowell concurred, reminding members of conflicts between
meetings and Friday tests.
The question was called, and passed 6 to 4 among members.
It was noted that this was the most fun Mr. Dowell has had in
weeks.
The meeting was adjourned at 10:20, subject to Mr. Williams'
critic's report.
Respectfully submitted,
The Right Honorable Lord Richards of Dekalbshire
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University of Georgia 